That one time it all sunk in, I have Diabetes!

While I was no Rhodes Scholar and the definition of an underachiever, sadly like most traditional jocks, I never missed a workout.  You may shake your head at that, but, if it wasn't for exercise and competition with myself and others growing up, I don't know want to where life would have taken me.  I worked out like a mad man, it kept me sane, it kept my adolescent vanity up, and it put me at the front of the pack with the seniors during Summer 2003 football workouts.

Our football team was stacked.  The 2004 Senior class at Beaver was one of the best.  I'll debate that with anybody.  Year and half earlier, I wondered if I would even stick with football.  I was in a full blown growth spurt post diagnosis, and had a standout freshman campaign.  To prove to the group of seniors I could hang, I worked out hard.  I would come down to the track and do extra sprints, and run a fast mile on our off days.  There is no such thing as overtraining to a 16 year old, I was never tired.  Well, I pushed and pushed recklessly, until a Hypoglycemia scare had me reexamine everything.

After a Monday of lifting weights, sprints, and football drills, naturally, riding my bike back down into town after lunch made sense.  The next day, an off day,  I rode my bike 2 miles down to the track, and did a few wind sprints and roughly a 6 minute paced mile, and then proceeded to ride my bike home.  I don't remember specifically what transpired in the hours leading up to that night, but the details of that night will never blur.

Long before smart phones, and social media, if your AOL IM news feed wasn't telling you anything, you sat at home.  I was watching a movie and was getting ready to check my sugar and give my bedtime shots.  I felt very tired, very lethargic that night.  I stumbled to the table and checked my sugar, "53."  "Oh wow, no wonder I feel so tired," I uttered to myself.

Not even thinking, I was half out of it and in a comfortable routine, I gave my Humalog and Humulin shots.   After a few minutes of eating cereal, my low blood sugar finally registered with me, and the shakes were in full effect.  It then dawned on me, "OH SHIT, YOU GAVE A HUMALOG SHOT TOO!"  Humalog for the non diabetes literate, is fast acting insulin.  I believed I might have died at that moment, as I envisioned my sugar bottoming out and needing Emergency help.  I yelled for my parents as I was shaking from a combination of fear, and low blood sugar.  I couldn't tell you what an anxiety attack was on July 2, 2003, but that night, the sensation became all too real.  In an attempt to drive my sugar up high enough to avoid an emergency I was sucking down capri sun juices, engulfing pop tarts, yogurt, anything and everything.

I sat at the kitchen table, heart pounding out of my chest, as my parents attempted to calm me down.  I was up throughout the night as my sugar eventually went high and dropped again while I was asleep.  I awoke during the night to a 70 blood sugar reading and the anxiety continued.  I called my coach the next morning to tell him I wouldn't be there.  He understood and told me to be safe, and he'd see me on Friday.  I felt awful the next few days, and not a second went by I wasn't replaying that incident, in fear it may happen again.  I frantically began checking my blood sugar 15-20 times a day for the next 3 years.  A behavior that took me through an uncomfortable chapter of learning the in's and out's of diabetes.

I was shook to my core, and admittingly I was affected for quite awhile after that night.  When I hear of an individual enduring times depression or anxiety, I can empathize all too well.  While our reasons may be different, if you are willing to adapt and examine what it is that's triggering the clouded emotions, a new perspective can bring understanding and acceptance instead of the constant fight with your situation.